You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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