What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
