i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
