Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
