i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
