Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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