so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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