Do you still have your period?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
