Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize