I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
