I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
bring money and cleavage
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
