Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
