living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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