Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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