All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
These tits shall not be calmed
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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