there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
