They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
