So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the day after is always just damage control
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
