it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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