I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
