i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
