Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
