Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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