sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
