I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
