Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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