i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
