I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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