Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
