I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
