This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
