My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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