I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
