evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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