I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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