remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
