His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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