I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
