guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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