I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
