Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
