Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
