I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
