you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
