The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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