3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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