I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
