Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
