I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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