I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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