Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
