im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
