Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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