Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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