The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
