when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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