booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize