oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
