Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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