pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
