Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
