I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
