now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
