my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i will never coherently bang her
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
