You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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