he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
