Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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