I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
