return my video game
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
